COWBOY KIM'S TALES OF THE WEST S01E13 - KIM MEETS COTTONMOUTH
WRITTEN BY KELLY "COWBOY" KIM.
CASTING NOTE: The role of Cottonmouth has been written specifically for Bob Sparker.
SCENE 1 - INTRO
NARRATOR
The dry, dusty town of Judith Lake didn't have a sheriff until a lone cowboy blew in with the wind. He had no past, no future, and no name other than Kim. But he took to the town and it took to him, and now he defends this rocky little outpost with his life...in Cowboy Kim's Tales of the West.
MAIN THEME.
KIM (NAR)
Well, I don't look for trouble, but trouble keeps looking for me. This time it's a rash of crimes--burglary, cattle rustling, a whole farm razed to the ground in a single night...
(SFX: the whistling of the wind.)
KIM (NAR)
No perp that I can find, neither. And now a bunch of kidnappings, or something that looks like 'em, anyway. Mostly young men, disappearing overnight and no clue but this.
(SFX: rustling of paper.)
KIM (NAR)
Some flyer talkin' about a get-rich-quick scheme in City X. So that's where I'm goin'.
SCENE 2 - IN THE BAR
(SFX: city sounds, the clopping of horses' hooves in the dirt, etc. Kim walks into a bar; the doors close behind him. There's some chatter in the bar that fades into the background as he talks.)
KIM
Just water, thanks.
BARTENDER
Gladly, son. Here on business?
KIM
I suppose so.
(SFX: the bartender is filling his glass. He stops.)
BARTENDER
Yeah?
KIM
You ever seen this? Found it tacked up on a post over in Laramie, ten miles east of here.
BARTENDER
(sighing heavily)
Cripes, not again. You want him over there, in the back. Damn near every day we get a few of these layabouts in here for a drink and a fight. That's his business.
KIM (NAR.)
I turned in my seat. There was a man sitting in the back, nursing a glass of something-or-other as he pored over some papers. Yeah, that looked about right.
(to the bartender)
That so, then?
BARTENDER
Yeah. I'm stayin' out of it. Talk to him if you want the details. Or better yet, just turn around and head on home.
(grumbling)
Damn fool thing to do.
(SFX: Kim's footsteps as he walks to the back, laid over a little background chatter.)
NOTE: Don't try to pass the EMCEE off as Bob. He's a bigger, broader character with a deep baritone voice, more like a carnival barker.)
EMCEE
Well hey there, friend. Wanna make a buck?
KIM
Yeah. What's this about?
EMCEE
Not much. I got a boss likes to watch some fights in the evening. You sign up, you fight five low-down rascals like yourself...no offense...
(Silence.)
EMCEE
...Then you win. $500 at the end of the night. Easy money.
KIM
And if I lose?
EMCEE
Well, then you work for us. See, we're nice enough to give you a job. Nice deal, right? 'Specially for a big guy like you.
(beat)
You'll do fine.
KIM
...All right.
EMCEE
All right! That's the spirit. There's a cellar below here. You come back at night and tell the doorman the number "21." Got it?
KIM
I got it.
EMCEE
Good, good.
(paper rustling)
And your name?
KIM
(beat)
John Lawson.
EMCEE
(clicking his tongue)
You'll have to do better than that, son. But that's all right. John Lawson it is.
SCENE 3 - THAT NIGHT, IN THE CELLAR
KIM (NAR)
I made my way back in the middle of the night. The cellar was dark, dusty and thick with the smell of smoke.
EMCEE
All right, boys, all right. Got a live one for you tonight, just blew into town today. John Lawson, repeat, that's John Lawson, step up...
KIM
That's me.
EMCEE
That's right. Look at you, big strapping fellow. We'll have ourselves a show tonight, boys!
(SFX: raucous laughter from the crowd.)
EMCEE
You know the rules. Five in a row. You win, you're home free, and with some cash money to boot. You lose, you get a spot in... well...you'll see.
KIM (NAR)
I was suspicious, but I kept quiet. Plenty of time later to get my answers, anyway.
(SFX: crowd chatter, fading out, silence)
KIM (NAR)
The first guy up was big. Stocky. Quick eyes, too, that darted around the room. Whether it was fear or cleverness, I wasn't sure, but I decided I wasn't going to find out.
EMCEE
Hah! Mr. Lawson's taking the lead here, opening with one hell of a right hook...
(SFX: scuffling and crowd yelling -- the Emcee's voice is drowned out by the crowd.
EMCEE
Pipe down, won't you? ...Ah, go ahead! I don't get paid enough for this!
KIM (NAR)
He was tough, real tough, and quicker than I thought. But he tired easily, and it wasn't long before...
(SFX: heavy thump as the opponent hits the ground)
EMCEE
Oh, ouch! Looks like Bruno here didn't count on our man being so quick on his feet. Good job, Lawson, and not a scratch on you! That's worth a tip.
BRUNO
(breathing heavily)
KIM
You all right?
EMCEE
(sharply)
Don't you touch him!
(whistles)
Get out here, boys!
(SFX: scuffling)
BRUNO
No! Get off me! For God's sake, get off me!
(painfully)
I can go again!
(adlibbed protests)
KIM (V.O., NAR)
I watched as a group of men--must have been four or five--wrestled him down and dragged him out the door in the back. I'd seen gorier things, but that...
(beat)
That chilled me to the bone.
(SFX: his protests fade into an eerie silence.)
KIM
(to EMCEE)
Where are they taking him?
EMCEE
That's no concern of yours.
KIM
(raising his voice)
Tell me where you're taking him!
EMCEE
(growling)
You'll be next if you don't pay attention, cowboy!
KIM (V.O., NAR)
All at once I felt something slam into the back of my head with a crack. I stumbled, turned, and before I knew it my fists were swinging again--
(SFX: fighting, cheering)
KIM (V.O, NAR)
The fight passed by in a blur. So did the next, and the one after that...
(SFX: Kim's labored breathing)
EMCEE
Well, well, how about that? Take a breather, buddy. You've earned it.
(to the crowd)
Looks like we got a contender, folks! This one's going up against our house champ!
(SFX: cheering)
EMCEE (V.O.)
That's right, you lousy dogs. Our reigning champion, Cottonmouth!
(SFX: the cheering fades away as COTTONMOUTH's footsteps come in, eventually leaving nothing but the sound of Kim's breathing.)
KIM (NAR)
I looked up. Someone had drifted in from the back of the crowd and stepped into the center of the room. I hadn't even known he was there.
COTTONMOUTH
Nice job,
KIM (NAR)
he said, fixing me with a look. He was dressed in black and white, with a silk scarf tucked into his belt. A silk scarf...what kind of two-bit thug could afford something like that?
COTTONMOUTH
You ready?
KIM
(still panting a bit)
I'm ready.
COTTONMOUTH
Then let's dance, cowboy.
(NOTE: Cottonmouth is terse, but not without expression. He's a little bit languid, with a hint of a drawl, but he doesn't take any unnecessary time. He's a performer, but in this moment, he isn't performing for anyone but himself and, at a distant second, Cowboy Kim. Everyone else is unimportant to him.)
(SFX: fighting, but slowly paced. Not many blows being landed, but the whistling of narrowly dodged attacks.)
KIM (NAR)
I could hear the whistle as his fist sailed past my face. He was fast--lightning fast.
COTTONMOUTH
Give it up!
(SFX: a couple more punches land their mark. Kim crumples to the ground.)
COTTONMOUTH
(genuinely disappointed)
Aw, I didn't mean it.
(and now annoyed)
You're really gonna go down that easy?
KIM (NAR)
But I wasn't done yet.
COTTONMOUTH
And here I got all excited for n--
(SFX: the sharp whip and thud of Kim bringing his leg up into Cottonmouth's.)
COTTONMOUTH
Oof! What--
KIM (NAR)
I caught him in the shin with my boot. He came tumbling down right after me, and boy, it felt good.
COTTONMOUTH
Dirty cheater!
(coughing)
I should have thought of that!
(SFX: continued fighting)
EMCEE (V.O.)
I've never seen this before--someone who fights dirtier than Cottonmouth!
KIM (V.O.)
He could give a punch, but he sure couldn't take one. Soon he was laid out on the ground, groaning into the dirt. I didn't feel too bad for him--not after all the boys and men he'd knocked down in this very ring, himself.
EMCEE
Ooh...
(A hush falls over the cellar again.)
EMCEE
You know what this means, don't you, Cottonmouth.
COTTONMOUTH
(coughing)
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
(hoarsely)
Bring 'em in.
(SFX: (the heavy footfalls of the guards.)
KIM (NAR)
I watched as one of the men reached down to help him up. And then...
(SFX: a really, really painful-sounding punch in the face. Maybe with a bit of a crunch to it, but not too much. Something that clearly lands on the nose.)
EMCEE
Hey! Hey, you can't do that!
COTTONMOUTH
Like hell I can't!
(muffled)
Get off me!
KIM (NAR)
I hated this man, but I decided that I hated the ringleaders even more. I lunged at them myself, knocking them back into the crowd.
(SFX: yelling, maybe with a bit of cheering mixed in)
COTTONMOUTH
(laughing)
You're all right, cowboy!
FOREMAN
(deep and authoritative)
That's enough.
(Everything falls quiet, except for possibly Kim and Cottonmouth.)
FOREMAN
You two do all this?
KIM
Yes, sir.
COTTONMOUTH
(spits)
And proud of it.
FOREMAN
The boss loves it. Wants to talk to you.
COTTONMOUTH
Tell him he can--
KIM
(quickly)
We'll listen. Where is he?
FOREMAN
This way.
EMCEE
(disdainfully)
Huh. Not worth it, I'd say.
(SFX: footsteps, fading from the sound of the cellar into someplace with more of an echo)
KIM (V.O., NAR)
Finally. Maybe now I'd get some answers...
(beat)
He led us down a long hall, so long it felt like it was heading practically to the other end of town.
COTTONMOUTH
(hissing under his breath, to Kim)
Nice trap you got us into.
KIM
I don't think so.
COTTONMOUTH
(beat)
Hmm.
KIM (NAR)
We went into a room, dark and cold. It was lit only by the flickering of--a television, in one corner, or something that looked like it. And seated next to it was someone I couldn't make out. Just a dark shape in front of a white screen.
BOSS
Cottonmouth. And Lawson.
(Silence. Maybe with the faint crackling of the CCTV.)
BOSS
You put on one hell of a show out there, you two. Too good to toss that double act away, in my opinion.
KIM
What do you want?
BOSS
I've got a lot of work for two men like you. Work for me.
COTTONMOUTH
(beat)
Yeah, all right. Mind if I make myself a drink? All that fighting got me mighty thirsty.
KIM (NAR)
I watched as Cottonmouth slunk--or maybe slithered--over to the bar. I hadn't expected that, given he'd been throwing a tantrum a couple minutes ago.
(beat)
Something wasn't right.
BOSS
Go ahead.
(to Kim)
And you?
KIM
No. I don't want your job. I just want some answers.
BOSS
Answers, eh?
(SFX: creaking, as he leans back in his chair, and the sound of Cottonmouth pouring a drink in the background--clinking, etc.)
BOSS (CONT'D)
Well, you've earned them. Shoot.
KIM
Where do the losers go? And don't give me any nonsense about a "job."
BOSS
(chuckles)
You familiar with the Aja region? Over on the coast?
KIM
A little. That's the far west.
(searching his brain)
It's rocky...only industry coming out of it these days is--
COTTONMOUTH
(cutting him off)
Diamond mines.
(Silence.)
KIM
Diamond mines.
BOSS
That's right. Hard work over there, you know.
(to Cottonmouth)
Make me one while you're back there, will you?
COTTONMOUTH
Whatever you say, boss. What about you, cowboy?
KIM
(barely restrained anger)
No. Thank you.
BOSS
Don't see why you're so surprised, frankly. Like I said, hard work. Long hours. Rough on the body. Accidents happen.
(chuckles darkly)
I need a lot of men.
KIM
You...
(voice shaking)
You rich, pompous, sadistic...
COTTONMOUTH
Your drink, kind master.
BOSS
Thank you.
KIM
(exploding)
And you're no better! How can you work like this? How many boys have you sent to their graves, you low-down, spoiled snake--
BOSS
Now, now.
(sips his drink)
There's no call for insults, man.
KIM
I can't believe...
BOSS
(steamrolling over him)
As for you, there's nothing to be done with you but to cart you off anyway. You can make all the friends you want in...
(falters)
In...
(The Boss starts to cough. The glass falls and shatters.)
KIM (V.O., NAR)
I watched as the man coughed, choked, and finally doubled over. I couldn't move. And part of me didn't even want to.
COTTONMOUTH
(coldly)
You asked how many men I've led to their graves. There's one more for you.
KIM
You...
COTTONMOUTH
It was fun, being a bulldog, but I'm not into being tied down.
(SFX: footsteps, and rustling sounds as Cottonmouth searches.)
COTTONMOUTH (V.O.)
A grand. Half for me. Half for you. What do you say?
KIM
I don't...I don't want any.
COTTONMOUTH
Suit yourself. Now come on. We'd better split before people start looking around.
(SFX: horses' hoofbeats, at a gallop)
KIM (V.O., NAR)
A passage led outside, and we grabbed a couple of horses and ran off into the night. Maybe it was two, three in the morning, but I couldn't tell. It felt like I'd been in that cellar for a week.
COTTONMOUTH
(calling out)
Where you headed, stranger?
KIM
(calling out)
Where do you think? I'm going to the coast.
COTTONMOUTH
Are you crazy? It's fifty, sixty miles, and that's as the crow flies...
KIM
I don't care.
(SFX: the galloping slows.)
COTTONMOUTH
Don't see why you're wasting your time playing hero, personally.
(beat)
You were good out there.
KIM
What?
COTTONMOUTH
I said you were good out there.
(SFX: horse hooves against dirt, pawing at the ground. A snort.)
COTTONMOUTH
You know your way around a brawl, that's for damn sure. Don't suppose you wanna join up with me.
KIM
(flatly)
No, thanks. Not for a killer.
(A moment of tense silence, then the riding resumes, slowly.)
COTTONMOUTH
Killin' ain't the only thing I do.
KIM
Yeah?
COTTONMOUTH
Yeah. Burglary, extortion, cattle rustling, whatever needs doing.
KIM
Kidnapping?
COTTONMOUTH
Not for those jokers. Those idiots all came aboard of their own accord, if that's what you're asking.
(suspiciously)
Where did you say you were from?
KIM
I didn't. But I'm sheriff of Judith Lake.
COTTONMOUTH
(laughing)
Judith Lake! Practically my backyard! I'm a few miles northwest, in Viper Valley. Well, usually.
(chuckles)
Life's got me busy.
KIM
I know.
COTTONMOUTH
(beat)
What's that look for?
KIM
Cattle rustling, extortion...
COTTONMOUTH
(over Kim's words)
Aw, hell, chief...
KIM
That barn razed to the ground a week back. Was that you?
COTTONMOUTH
(angrily)
Yeah, that was me, and if you've got a problem with it you come down off that horse and tell me.
(low, threatening)
I can dig you a shallow grave right here.
(Silence.)
COTTONMOUTH
Business is business. That's all.
KIM
(coldly)
I think we'd better part ways right here.
COTTONMOUTH
(coldly)
I think we'd better.
KIM
You get out of town and you keep moving, Cottonmouth. I don't wanna see that face of yours again.
(Cottonmouth laughs a harsh, cynical laugh.)
COTTONMOUTH
We'll see how long that lasts. Bye-bye, cowboy.
(SFX: sound of the whistling wind and horses' hooves.)
MAIN THEME - REPRISE. FADE OUT.
(END)